noted that I am not here to spread any good news in this post. And I will try not to demotivate any individual. Probably it would be better if you treat it as a confession by me. I am negative and depressed this week, or perhaps since the more earlier time. It is kinda ridiculous to say that I have not yet find the root of depression. It might be money, family, career, studies, public relation, stress etc. Every little things seems to be related with my abnormal behaviours recently. The colleague-cum-only-listener I had seek for, Ming Shing told me that people may get used with their personal problems, and in the end they will forget and unable to treat it as the reason anymore. Am I one of the people who can either get used or forget the problems gradually? Or am I actually shun myself and run away from facing the problems all these while?
well, last night, right before the dinner time, the bomb had just landed on the ground unexpectedly. I vent my anger on the old mama who was shouted at me fiercely. I was shocked with my outrageously reaction. Like a woman whom buries much of unhappy and dissatisfied issues in the depth of her heart, and tried to dig them out in a timely moment. The very first time I behaved in that nasty way. Totally lost of emotionally self-controlled ability. Disappointed over myself.
I am still figuring out the main reason since last night. I do not mean to hurt anyone, as in fact I already did it. Though the old mama did not pursue the matter further and was having the dinner with me and even chatted with me as usual, but I did feel sorry to her. As what I said, she is pitiful...as having a daughter like me. The more the daughter wishes to give her, the more she realized that she is merely unable to do so now. Not even a simple "SORRY" from the old mama's arrogant daughter.
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